I’m not sure about her sexuality. Should I try to kiss her anyway?

Send us your anonymous questions. For our next episode, we’re looking for your queries on doubt and decision-making in relationships. 

These questions were answered by Haley Nahman of the Maybe Baby newsletter and podcast, and Danny Nelson, co-host of Maybe Baby’s Dear Danny advice series. The conversation has been edited for length and clarity.

Dear Life Kit, I’m a 60-year-old widower and recently met a 52-year-old widow. 

We get along great. She’s smart as hell and as sarcastic as I am. We’ve told each other we like each other and have expressed affection in nonphysical ways. 

The issue is that she’s widowed from her wife. I’m also widowed from my wife, who was with women before she met me. I’m very open about people’s sexuality, and we’ve briefly discussed sexuality, but I have no idea how fluid she may be, if at all. 

I would like nothing better than to kiss her. I felt at least a couple moments would have been perfect for that, yet I hesitated. I don’t want to chase her away. Any advice on how to proceed? —More Than Friends

My first impression is I don’t think a kiss is where to start here. I think he could say, “I enjoy being friends with you, but would you ever be down to go on a date with me, or is that not your thing?” It could be as simple as that and easy as that.

He needs to show her that she’s safe and that he absolutely hears her on everything she’s saying and agrees. Hopefully he sees it the same way. If she feels belittled by him in any way, that’s a different conversation.

She also needs to be incredibly clear with her partner about her fears and doubts and what she needs him to do.

The podcast episode was produced by Andee Tagle. The digital story was edited by Meghan Keane. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We’d love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at LifeKit@.org.